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Our
Privacy Statement
What
we do in the privacy of our own home is none of your... Oh, wait.
You mean your privacy?
No
information that could be used to uniquely identify you as a result
of your use of our stations inside the store is ever released to
anyone, with the possible exception of aiding law enforcement officials
in pursuit of alleged criminals. Or your Mom, because it's about
the same anyway. Yes, Osama, that means you.
As
far as this website goes, we're collecting only your email address
if you sign up for our newsletter. We could load up an attorney's
purse and end up with a bunch of privacy statement hooey no one
will read, but we decided to speak English instead:
| We
worked hard to con you out of your precious email address and
we're not gonna sell it to any body. It's ours and we're the
only ones who get to spam you with it. |
| If
you want to crawl back under that rock and live in some sort
of sensory deprivation tank, you can get off the list. Just
tell us you want to unsubscribe. |
| Our
emails are directed at gamers. They can be a little, um, direct
at times. If that offends you, unsubscribe. |
| If
you are under 18, don't have a sense of humor or your Mom's
permission, or your parole officer told you to stay off the
Internet, then sign up for this newsletter at your own risk. |
| We're
not going to send you any naked pictures or links to porn sites
(that we know of). If you were really counting on that, you
should unsubscribe but only after you come into the store so
we can abuse you. |
| Anything
we say or refer to in our emails is milder than what's on Fox
every single night. You don't like them, turn it off. You don't
like us, unsubscribe. |
| If
you are under the age of 13, then you should be at the Barney
site or the Teletubby site, but definitely not here unless your
parents say it's OK. And have a permission slip. Signed by the
mayor. And a federal judge. And two witnesses. And a videotape
with a stamped envelope to Oprah and Dr. Phil. |
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